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Its a beautiful day! [22 Feb 2011|03:41pm]
Its absolutely gorgeous outside and i love every breath i take because it smells and taste like spring!!

I am currently sitting on my front porch listening to the sounds of leaf blowers and lawn mowers from across the street and Betty barking at everything. Shes the dog, btw. not some deranged friend. although....

Anyway-im wearing two tank tops layered over eachother, workout pants, and tennis shoes and i am not cold at all. its 69 degrees outside and sunny! Diana, Josie, and Amy are on their way to meet up here before we go to Freedom park for a walk. They want to smoke a little but i dont. I might.

I have a new years resolution (despite the fact that its february 22nd): I vow not to wake and bake for a few weeks. I know, i know. Not that hard, right? Well lately ive been indulging way too much and i believe that it has had adverse affects on my health. Ive been sick more often than usual-which says a lot considering that im a hypochondriac anyway and get sick often without the use of marijuana. But i just believe that if i at least make an effort to cut down, then i will be in better spirits and health.

I watched SUPER HIGH ME--where a comedian does a sort of parody documentary about the affects of marijuana on someone who smokes it day in and day out for 30 days--and I realized that i could practically be a case study myself. Ive been smoking pretty heavily for close to 4 years now. not every day, but damn close. this includes smoking at parties, card games, by my self, when i wake up, an hour before i go to sleep--all the time! And as far as other people are concerned, im not a pot head. But to myself, Im a fucking drug lord.

Alright so that might be extreme, but you get the point. So, like i said, nix the waking a baking and thats step one to a life thats not consumed by marijuana. We'll see how this pans out. Of course, this means that i can still smoke by myself and with friends, but definitely not before ive been awake for at least 3 hours. Thats reasonable, right?
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What I was going to say [01 Jun 2010|11:09pm]
[ mood | pissed off ]

"You broke my heart. You said you never would. You said the only reason you would ever leave me is if I stabbed you. Funny then. But you always did say just the right things. Maybe you should work on being honest from the start, before you hurt anyone else.

And you're right, I am worried. Im worried that you will turn around and get involved with some other girl, and not just because Ill be offended and upset at first, but because Im afraid that you will get so ahead of yourself that you will really lead this girl on, like you led me on. You obviously ended up somewhere you didnt want to be, so my advice would be to stop being in such a fucking rush. I did move too fast, admittedly, but I felt pressure from your end for that. Inviting me over to your house to "watch a movie" on a first date? I was naive, your intentions were clear.

I wish I could move on and forget about you completely until years down the line, when I would look back and think nice things about you. ANd the reason that Im sending this to you, is to let you know that you have severely hurt me. And I didnt want to say anything until now because I know about your level of depression, or at least what you told me about. And Im sure that theres noting about me that you would end your life over, Im not that egocentric.

We will not be together again. Lets be honest about that now. For the record, it wasnt (and isnt, clearly) mutual. You broke up with me.

I feel like a toy, you were fascinated with me, then you dropped me and moved on.

Its hurts me to say these things, but it hurts me more thinking about how you used to treat me versus you not even slightly missing me. Thats not love. I hate that I think about you all the time, but Im going to stop contacting you after this, because I dont know if you would like to hear from me."

I gave in to love, and got hurt. Isnt that how it goes? I was stupid, but im not anymore. Hopefully ill be able to avoid naivete, and ill be able to recognize a jerk when i meet him.

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convieniently, I am an actor. [06 May 2010|01:12am]
I need direction.
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Im stuck [06 Apr 2010|10:30pm]
between a group that I feel like I should be as smart as, and another that I know I am smarter than. Sounds horrible, but.

I feel like I could be doing so much more for myself, so much better for myself. I need to motivate, as Toddi would say. this is a serious NEED.

BUT even though I think I have the skills to become a member of a higher intellectual team, I am scared that once I get there I really wont know what Im doing. Im not sure of my level. What I REALLY want to do to earn money. I know how to make myself happy with hobbies. But on that level, you have to be the best of the best, the cream of the crop.

I guess I really judge myself when it comes to that because I dont think that I am. I know that if I grew into it, I could be great, but I want to find those job opportunities that recognize that as well.

Im babbling.
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Success. [25 Feb 2010|02:41am]
Open Mic was successful at Boardwalk Billy's tonight. Although not a complete success, still good for the books!

If I stay focused on doing this, and at least incorporate it everyday into my life, I know I can be much more successful.

Lately I have been my own enemy with all of the daytime television. My Mother and I will just lay around watching TV before I have to go to work or something. It was nice the first couple of times, but now that its a lifestyle I really hate it. And yet I live it. Torturing myself daily.

I am ready to snap out of it! Starting tomorrow, I am waking up and getting out of the house! Two-ish Temp agencies in the morning and an interview at the Olive Garden in the afternoon (hopefully).

So, I guess, off to bed. Probably.
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Help me stay positive. [24 Feb 2010|08:40pm]
I have enough fear for myself and I am not sure of how much more I can handle when it comes to my dream. Don't give me a reason not to follow it.

Push me towards it.
Help me stay positive.

Ive got the balls to pursue my dream but if I find any reason to stay behind, I will.
And in this moment I have none.

thank you.
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True Life: I'm living with a Psycotic 15 year old Transgendered black man [25 Nov 2009|11:28am]
[ mood | pissed off ]

As you may or may not know, My mother and her Partner, Rachel, are in the Foster care program. Occasionally they will bring in some genuinely sweet kids who just have trouble expressing themselves and throw tantrums. Sometimes theyll bring in kids who have had troubled pasts but are generally well behaved and can function in society. Latavia, However, is not one of those kids.

Latavia is a 15 year old transgendered (male to female) who I seriously believe has some form of psychosis. Not only does she completely disrespect everyone in the household by treating the shared space as her own and leaving all of her (literal, sometimes) shit around, but she pisses on the toilet seats and leaves it for others to clean before they use it (disgusting), and has been physically violent to my mother. My mother had bruises the size of baseballs on her arms from one of Latavias attacks. This is a very serious matter and frankly Im surprised that its been going on for so long and Mom and Rachel have just now started to do something about it! Its gotten so bad, that there are some parts that i cant talk about outside of the family. Yeah. Time for an intervention.

Now with the pissing on the seat issue, apparently everyone has said something to her and she has refused to change her actions. Bitch. So, one morning, I woke up and found that all of the toilets on the house has fucking piss on them. So, i wiped them off and then got a dry erase marker to leave reminders on all of the mirrors in the house: "Latavia, this is not your personal bathroom! If you piss on the seat, WIPE IT OFF!!!" (it was also underlined at least 5 times) "Also, if you leave towels or clothes on the floor, Butters will piss in them. STOP!" Butters is our cat, and yes, he thinks that clothes left on the floor are a welcome invitation to to use the bathroom. He is a cat. Latavia is not. Latavia should know better. I guess the Psychosis blocks off common sense or something. it must.

After finding the notes on the mirrors, Latavia decided to "punish" me for what I did. At the time she was doing the dishes and thought that it would really show me if she left a note (taped to my college graduation notice, btw) that read: "Sarah," already wrong, "if ur so smart then you clean up the mess! PS U clean it up"

Ok ok ok. SO, the Psychosis also affects the differentiation between script and post script? Either that or she doesnt know how to write a letter. She also though that not taking her medication would really show me too. As if Im in charge of dolling it out to her.

This morning, when I rose to greet the new day, my glorious day off, I had to pee. And much to my surprise there was piss. on the fucking. seat. AND there was shit on the floor. From Butters, or at least thats what I assume considering hes the cat and thats what he does to things on the floor. Again. He is a cat. I went downstairs and there was piss. on the fucking. seat. So I went into the living room to find Latavia banging away on the Piano (while others were sleeping, which really just follows suite with the rest of her incomparable disrespect for all things) and asked her to Please. Wipe the piss off the seat. She looked at me and smiled and said ok.

Ok. Shes flaunting her piss in my face. Seriously? How do even make someone like this? Its bad enough living with teenagers, but this one takes the cake! ANd then probably pisses on it!

Rachel told me today that she would not be here past the 4th of December under any circumstances. Finally. Theyre doing something about it. Thank God.

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Mmm. Slimy Vegetables. [04 Nov 2009|07:34pm]
[ mood | grateful ]

I hate Subway. It is the poop of all the sub sandwich establishments. Harry Teeters makes a much better sub.

here's something: I somehow managed to spend over $700 last week! I know that $480 of it went towards a doctors bill but the rest? Halloween. I felt like I was being smart about my purchases though. I couldn't have spent over $100 on decorations and I strongly doubt that I spent $50 on my costume. Its definitely a shock considering I have been saving my money lately to buy a car. And here I am $700 down the drain that I don't receive a return on. I mean, that money could be used to get big things. like a car. See where I'm going here?

God. People are having babies and getting married (in that order sometimes) and its crazy. I mean, if they are happy then good for them. Nothing is better. But I just couldn't imagine what life would be like if i had a baby or a husband. I mean. I just cant. Not yet. And then you see those pictures on facebook of them with their children and husbands. God. Some people look really good and very happy with either/or. But some? Shit. I mean. Put down the baby because its neck isn't supposed to bend like that when it can't support its head yet. Stupid. it just makes me mad sometimes.

Welp! I have noticed some changes lately. I feel healthy. Actually healthy. And I know that I could still be healthier, but I am in a good place right now! I dunno I mean I'm taking a multivitamin and I have been working out for a while now on the mostly regular. Diana and I just walked 5 miles yesterday, and we are going to again on Thursday. Aaand life is good :)

Oh yeah and I have developed these huge calluses on my fingers from playing the guitar. They have come and gone in the past but I guess I have just been playing a lot more lately, too. Iss gerd.

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YOUTUBE Y'ALL [04 Oct 2009|11:14pm]
[ mood | accomplished ]

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Labor day weekend [07 Sep 2009|11:52pm]
I had a really great time this past weekend! I got off work at 4pm Thursday and did my thing until Friday afternoon when mi padre and his GF decided to give Justin and I a ride to VA. I mean, you know, to stay for a few days.

Yeah. It was nice :)

I was just sitting here getting ready to watch a movie on my mac and I thought about that so I wanted to write it down! So...I journaled. Ahem.

In other news I want to come up with a new jam. And I really love just sitting down and jamming. out. with friends. seriously.

Anyhoop gotta go.
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feature [16 Aug 2009|11:32am]
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Finger your opponent or face certain death [26 Jul 2009|02:43am]
[ mood | full ]

Welp. Cindy Rella with a twist is over for now. It may get picked up again during the school year. That would be a lot of fun! Our last show was yesterday afternoon and I had to beg the kids to volunteer. But thats understandable seeing as how there were only 20 of them. ish. and the average age was 4.5. There were two volunteers who started crying and asking for their moms once onstage. But the little girls who asked for autographs at the end were endearing! It was precious as poop.

I want to go out dancing soon.

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Happy 4th [04 Jul 2009|03:21pm]
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I cant seem to get this smile off of my face [23 Jun 2009|01:40am]
[ mood | happy ]

These past couple of weeks have turned me into a giddy school girl again! I can't seem to wipe this smile off of my face.

I hope this continues :)

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Preview [11 Jun 2009|12:00am]
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[09 Jun 2009|10:55am]
[ mood | excited ]

I am excited to have the world as my oyster, I must say.

As of now, my options are Atlanta, NYC, and Chicago. I'm sure that if you have seen my facebook status, then this isn't news to you. Here are some things to consider with each:

Atlanta (HOTlanta)--I would move in with my sister and her boyfriend who I get along with pretty well. We would share either a two bedroom apartment or a three bedroom apartment in Alpharetta so that way we can have a workout room-if the facilities are not up to par or non existent. I only know a couple of people who live down in Atlanta (Mary Alice and Ryanne) but they aren't there throughout the school year and who knows if they will still be there when they graduate. Basically, rent would be cheap and the apartment wold be nice. Most likely.

NYC (The BIG Apple)--I would look for a four bedroom apartment to share with my good friend Andrew and two of his College buddies. One of them wold pursue a career on stage and I have no clue what the other one has in mind for himself. The rent wold be hella expensive, but pay for basic jobs is increased so that makes it a little easier. Slightly. I would have to have a plain old J.O.B. but I would also get some theatre work in whenever I could--even if that means cutting down on my hours at work. As far as eating goes, hopefully I would be able to do it everyday, but who knows? Here is my attack plan (this goes for Chicago as well): before I move, I would go to a BJs, Sams, or Costco and stock the fuck up! On toiletries, detergents, non-perishable food items, etc. Of course, that would mean more to pack and take up with me, but hopefully in the long run I will have saved some money that way. I know a few people who are up there, Tiffany Hogan, Jake Kricken, Giuseppie has plans to move up there, my friend Rebecca (who isn't in "the biz") and a few others. So, if nothing else, I would have friends already. That's nice, and certainly doesn't apply to Atlanta. And, if all goes well, then I could network through those people, meet other people, and hopefully be liked well enough to have connections in the theatre world.

Chicago (The Windy City)--I have options here. Depending on what Jordan Danz and Matt Kiedrowski are thinking about as far as their living situation, I would either search out a two, three, or four bedroom apartment up there. All I know for certain is that Diana needs a roommate, so I would live with her. Jen Short is also moving up there, so there are a few connections and people that I am already friends and comfortable with. (does that sentence structure make sense?) Now, it would get really friggen cold up there, so I would need to stock up on sweaters and blankets and any other wool creations that I can. The thing about Chicago is that there is a lot of greenery, like grass. Which NYC sorta lacks... Also, its a little cheaper than NYC, but, by the looks of it, not by much, at lest as far as rent goes.

As far as the artistry ("Art history" spoken rapidly produces a phonetic similarity) for each location, well I don't really know what would fit me best. Of course, that's what these first post graduation years are for, right? Right. So, maybe if I make a decision and it doesn't work out, I can always move on to option 2 or C.

At this point, I would like to bring up something pretty clairvoyant that my friend David thought up: the color 'mother of pearl' should really just be called 'clam'.

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[27 Apr 2009|01:28am]
I have one more day of classes and I am pulling an all nighter in order to finish my homework for them....I really dont want to write this effin paper on the development and destruction of nuclear weapons in South Korea. Snore.

In other news, Danny (Diana's boyfriend) has joined the ranks of the biggest dooshbags/assholes in the world. I thought that he was a real winner, but I guess I was wrong. I cant believe him. Diana deserves so much better. I guess thats all I can say without revealing too much information that isnt mine to disperse.

Despite my best efforts, I cant concentrate on my school work. All I want to do is...well...anything but that.
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And as swiftly as it began, it has ended. [14 Mar 2009|09:31pm]
[ mood | shocked ]

I am officially 100% single.
I have severed all ties with Jason and am moving on with my life.

His baggage got too heavy for this girl.

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[03 Feb 2009|12:57am]
[ mood | mischievous ]

11) Superbowl Sunday


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[27 Jan 2009|06:47pm]
[ mood | sore ]

For some reason, I am terribly exhausted. I woke up around 11 am and got ready because my first class on tuesdays and thursdays isnt until 12, and then I went to Jazz at 1:30 and workstudy from 3-6. I dont know why I am this tired.

I just took an aderol so I can finish my homework on time. I dont know where Erin gets off giving us a butt load all at the last minute. I think she is just trying to find a way to fill up class time because she normally runs out of crap to talk about at 9:20...then she rambles. And its Erin, so its boring anyway.

In other news, I hope to be a golden goddess by the end of the semester. Maybe not so much on the golden part, because I am not one for laying out on the catawba lawn in my bathing suit, but def. the goddess part. This semester, I am immersing myself in dance with Jazz 1, dance ensemble, and Elektra. SO already, I work out like twice a day, once on fridays. I was just getting used to the routine and wasnt as sore this sunday, so Betsy upped to routine. not only do we have more lunges, but we have a one minute dance session in preparation for this saturday's winterfest. And even though I have zero upper body strength, I can do 15 push ups now!! THats exciting. My boobs are sore, though, because theysa gettin a work out!!

Alright, I am getting a kick of energy now. Of course, the last thing I want to use it for is what I need it for--dumb ass homework assigned by boring ass professors. Whatevs.


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